Chronically Ill and Fickle Men


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Just when you think you can’t get hurt anymore! Your so-called husband of 33+years (Theodore Robert Schreiber the Skunk), since MAY 21st 1982, has gone above & beyond on all his Social Media Outlets: LinkedIn, Google+, FB, and his private Gmail account to make sure there is absolutely been NO mention of being married NOR a name of his spouse, that be me! When I confronted him with that information today, or rather yesterday when I did my investigation, he was of course on the defensive & said it was quote “NOBODY’S business if he was married or not”! Unquote! But he freely listed the multiple real estate properties he listed. He sure is proud of those trophy’s!

That would lead this lowly wife to 1 of 3 conclusions.
1. He’s too embarrassed to admit he’s married to ME because I’ve never been good enough for him in his eyes!
2. He’s keeping his options open for a new girlfriend should he find a right one, making himself feel less guilty by convincing himself he’s ” not that married ” after all.
3. He’s keeping himself as emotionally detached as possible making extramarital affairs more guilt free and more accessible to him by making his profiles as “single”

So I’m trying to get out of this why in the hell is he doing this to me! Putting me through this hell! If he really doesn’t want to be married just Divorce me & be done with it! If your that dam unhappy then why drag it out!

So as soon as I’m feeling a little bit better I guess I will have to be an adult and be the one to file for the divorce! God forbid I keep someone married to me that is just too dammed ashamed to want to admit that to the public! And if he’s afraid admitting being married will scare off future “conquests” then the a-hole had no business being married in the 1st place!

He has been a total waste of the last 33+ years of my life. He has ruined all 33+ yrs; of those years that I will never get back! I haven’t been leading a double life, screwing who I please, guilt free. All this time I could have been with someone else that could have truly loved and cared for me & visa versa! Instead I get emotional & verbal abuse, torment, lies, secrets & infidelity! How many chronically ill people in the middle of a horrible pain attack get to look forward to hearing from their dearly beloved as they come storming home from work, screaming at the top of their lungs when they know a whisper is painful to hear “Get off your Fat, Useless, Lazy Ass and do Something, all you do is Lay in Bed all Day and do Nothing and I have to go to Work and Support your Useless Lazy Ass”!! Lost track how many times I’ve heard that from 2010 to early 2015 while he was anxiously pushing me to go to Arizona as I wasn’t ” doing enough ” in his mind to help myself get better. He wanted me out of state so he could have an easier time to CHEAT! That’s when his text-a-thon happened! 5 days before my Forced departure! He never gave a dam about my health before. Until it would get me out of town and give him more freedom!

He wants freedom, get a Divorce! Instead, he wants to hurt!! Lie, cheat and hurt. Then lay all the blame at MY feet when I get pissed off and blow my gasket at a man that has broken every marriage vow how many times over and made ME out to be the biggest fool and hurt ME in the worse way possible!!

But for some reason, everybody loves a cheater! Everyone supports a cheater! Everyone will back a cheater! The wronged wife is just SOL!! Even my own daughter who should know better support’s her dad. I guess she wants me to have a good dose of the same medicine. Misery loves company they say.

And he’s changed his recent story 4x & puts the blame on ME!! BULL FRICKING CRAP!! NOT MY FAULT HE CANT KEEP HIS LIES STRAIGHT!!

I didn’t deserve this rotten, unhappy life I’ve been unfairly given! I remain faithful and look at my payback! Some payback! Treated like a doormat! But not much longer! Ready to call it quits! I’ve had enough of this rotten BS!!

Dealing with Chronic Migraine Disease, Depression and tackling the topic of Suicide


gothic

(7-18-13)

Everyone that experiences Chronic Migraine Disease and other Chronic Pain Diseases, know all too well that along the long and bumpy road of Medical Care and Self-Help, there will be many stumbling blocks and pot-holes that we come across and must find a way to navigate and deal with these issues.  For us seasoned Veterans in this ongoing war we should be use to these setbacks, and we do expect them and for the most part we can get around them pretty well. But once in a while you get thrown for a loop and try to struggle to recover and march on. Or rather, ease on down this long and difficult road.

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For those of us who suffer this disease there are many Comorbid Conditions that go hand-in-hand with Chronic Migraine. It could be Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Depression, PTSD, IBS, Lupus, Lyme. I could just go on with many other devastating diseases but want to focus on my key issues for now. Chronic Migraine Disease, Fibromyalgia and Depression. I have a few others but these right now are my main areas of concern/problems.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3008936/

As most of you know by now that have followed me, I have suffered Migraines for over 25 years. They started out as Episodic and turned Chronic in 2010. I get them daily and no matter how many identified triggers (of which my list seems to grow in leaps and bounds lately) and alternative therapies I use in conjunction with Medical Care and Medications, there seems to be no relief.

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Since 2006 I’ve seen 4 Neurologists, 2 Gynecologists, and 2 GP’s. All this time I have always complained about constant neck pain. I’ve actually had neck pain longer than that. I was in a car accident in the mid 80’s where I suffered whiplash from being rear-ended by a negligent driver. At the time they didn’t think it was serious and through the years I sought Chiropractic care that would temporarily help the problem but it never eliminated it. It would always come back a day or 2 after treatment and even with my doing cervical exercises at home and neck strengthening exercises, to no avail the pain persisted slowly getting worse over the years. For about the past 10 years I would hear crunching in my neck when I would rotate it and I could never fully rotate my neck to the LH side as it would hurt and pull, becoming more painful the further I’d rotate, to where eventually it felt “stuck” as it would not rotate further. My rotation to the RH side was not impeded. I did have a great Chiropractor in Bridgman that did take the time to x-ray my neck and showed it curved the opposite way of what it should. She worked tirelessly on my neck, doing accupressure and trigger point stimulation. It was feeling a little bit better and sadly this Chiropractor moved away and I could no longer get the care I was accustomed to. Good Chiropractors are hard to come by, as is Medical doctors.

Doctors

About 8-10 years ago I suffered an injury to my shoulder. I suffered a small tear in my rotor cuff as a result of falling down my basement stairs on my back all the way down the entire length. I unwittingly put my LH arm up and out to try to stop my descent and that arm ended up being twisted behind me. Stupid me thought I could go to work as the panic wore off and the adrenaline, I was sitting at my desk and the horrible pain kicked in. I had to leave and get an x-ray and then be referred to an Orthopedic Specialist who gave me Cortisone shot and PT to strengthen my shoulder. The tear was too small for surgery but big enough to require injections, which were pretty painful. I’ve had those before in my hip for Bursitis and in both heels for heel spurs and those didn’t hurt. But the one in the shoulder hurt like a son of a hockey puck!! I had prescription Motrin to help w/the pain.

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All during this time I was a guinea pig trying all kinds of medications and alternative and traditional therapies for Migraine Prevention and treatment. No combination seems to have helped so far. And all this time I still complained about neck pain but it was always glossed over and ignored. I was told “oh, it’s a part of the migraines-the migraines are causing it. I let it pass, like a fool. About a month ago after having a really bad experience with my current Headache Specialist who is a Neurologist, I sought out the help of a Pain Management Specialist. I was desperate. The neck pain was getting worse, even though I’m currently in PT and they assigned me a home cervical traction device that helps only temporarily. This doctor finally took my neck pain complaints seriously and ordered an MRI. I got my results last week and I have DDD-Degenerative Disk Disease in my 4th and 5th Vertebrae. I have arthritis settling in as well. I have some spurring and cartilage missing. And also the jack hammer ice pick Migraines I was having that no one else would pay attention to-well he finally did and I got a Bilateral Occipital Nerve Block. I was fighting one of those monsters and getting nauseated while waiting to see him on that day. Within seconds of those injections the occipital pain went away as did the nausea. He is waiting to see the results of this step before he will proceed with zapping those nerves. This coming Monday I will get more nerve blocks in my neck-Trigger Point Injections, to help with the neck pain I pray.

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But I have suffered another set-back. Even though last week I was finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel, my Depression had to make a rude reappearance, and it made it big time. I thought it was under control with the meditation and other holistic approaches I was taking, but I do believe it started to skid out of control after my lack of care from my recent former Neurologist-he was not available for a major migraine due to medication withdrawal as he didn’t want to be quote “contacted for Migraine emergencies on a Friday” unquote from his answering service. And I refuse to go to the ER with a migraine and be treated like a drug seeking addict. So I had a major meltdown in front of my husband and daughter. Up until that point they never took the pain I was having serious until that night. I was at the end of my rope with all the chronic, improperly treated Occipital Migraines and neck pain. Even though this new doctor is helping this Depression is not letting up and seems to have gotten worse. With the Fibro and CFS the Insomnia has been really bad again. To the point I’m getting more forgetful, more clumsy, more touchy and more in the dumps. I can’t shake it off. When chronic Insomnia builds up it really damages the psyche over time.

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/treatment-resistant-depression-what-is-treatment-resistant-depression

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When you are down and in your weakest point emotionally and physically, it’s easy for the dark thoughts to take over and crowd your mind. If the Depression is left untreated it can become really dangerous, especially if one has a history of entertaining thoughts of ending it all because the fight is too hard to maintain over a long period of time, and you just get battle weary. Battle fatigue sets in along with the chronic fatigue and pair that with poor medical care and poor pain management, well that is like throwing gas on a raging inferno if left untreated and unrecognized. After dealing with this for so long you think I would know better by now, but the subconscious mind is very powerful and oftentimes hard to break free from. And I don’t care how religious you are, until you suffer the unrelenting pain of horrible daily Migraines, if you haven’t been there you have no idea and have no right to judge that a person is not “Christian” enough to battle the demons of Depression. Support groups are essential for those in Chronic Pain. But recognizing and validating the pain someone is going through is sometimes better medicine than you could ever imagine.

http://blog.advancedmigraine.com/blog/bid/297694/Fighting-the-Blues-Chronic-Migraines-and-Depression

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The Social Stigma for Chronic Migraine Disease, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and importantly Depression has got to be put to an end! It’s the stigma and public perception, as well as the poorly educated Medical Profession, that makes people become more desperate and sink deeper into despair.

http://www.webmd.com/migraines-headaches/news/20130627/migraine-sufferers-face-significant-stigma-study-finds

http://youtu.be/TlAZKbMz3Lk

And if left unchecked and untreated it is an all-consuming anguish that some people think the only escape from the pain is to end it all. They cannot focus on other people or their “religion” because the pain is too severe and all-consuming. And if you have bad doctors who are not there when you need them the most, and no support from family and friends, you are more of an outcast than someone that has Leprosy. Getting people to understand that these “Invisible Illnesses” are real, legitimate and not just “in your head” is so vitally important. I know I can talk until I’m blue in the face to people, especially family and friends, but to no avail I get a blank stare and then get “unsolicited” advice on what I should try when in all due respect I’ve more than likely tried it more than once already in the past 25 years!! So please don’t tell me something I already know. I’ve been to a so-called “Headache Clinic” in the past and they do the same that all the other doctors do-turn you into a guinea pig and just experiment with different drugs. I was told to go to Mayo Clinic, but they don’t have the answers either. Why do you think they were partners in the launch of the current campaign :36 Million Migraine Campaign. Check out their YouTube video at this link:

http://youtu.be/23ZG0cc7TXg

And check out the official website link here:

http://www.americanmigrainefoundation.org/support-the-foundation/36-million-migraine-campaign/

I was so happy when I saw this on the National News when it was first launched with Cindy McCain, also a long-time Chronic Migraine Sufferer. This will hopefully bring more awareness, education and much needed funding to further develop Migraine Treatments. But also so that we can be treated with more respect and not less than 2nd class citizens.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-and-chronic-pain/index.shtml

If you know of anyone suffering Chronic Migraine Disease and think they are suffering un-Diagnosed Depression, or even if it is diagnosed, PLEASE do not tell them to “snap out of it” or “it’s all in your head”. You are just adding to the burden and the ostracism they are experiencing and will cast them further into that dark abysses of despair and desperation. It could very well add fuel to tragic thoughts they are thinking. When someone is Depressed and contemplating suicide it’s not a chicken way out, and they are not thinking what it will do to those that are left behind. They are too consumed with pain, anguish, untreated suffering and unrelenting Depression. They are not thinking like a normal healthy person because they are NOT healthy and may not be for quite some time. Not until they find a cure or better medication for this Neurological Disease. Please have empathy for us who suffer sometimes in silence. And offer a helping hand, not medical advice. But best of all be a friend in time of need and do not pass judgment. In reality all too sadly those who are in deep despair internalize their deepest thoughts and keep them hidden so as not to be labeled “Psycho” or “Psychotic”” or “crazy”. It can have tragic consequences. Just recently the Chronic Migraine Community lost yet another beautiful soul to suicide. We have to work to eliminate the stigma of Chronic Migraine Disease, Chronic Pain Sufferers-all those who have an Invisible Illness are ostracized and stigmatized and scared to speak up. Some are afraid of being locked up and institutionalized. Please don’t add to this stigma anymore and please help us fight to bring theses diseases to light and get rid of Stigmas.

http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewpage&page_id=705c8cb8-9321-f1bd-867e811b1b404c94

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/samaritans.htm

http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

#MHAMBC Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #27: Anger Management: Goosefrabba: How do you constructively deal with the anger and resentment that arises as a result of living with Migraine/Headache Disorder?


June Migraine awareness month

Managing anger, resentment and rage at a disease like Chronic Migraine Disease is a daily but hourly challenge. As those of us that have to deal with this monster non-stop as it’s always prevalent in our lives, we have to find healthy ways to vent and release or it will eat us alive.

Blogging helps and being able to share and interact with other sufferers on different online support groups is another great outlet. We can vent, share, exchange idea’s and lift up each other and support each other. And what’s said in the support group stays there so it’s a safe sanctuary. Blogging is a little different because you open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable, but getting the word out is more important that sparing a few harsh words from some non-believers or non-supporters. Everyone gets bashed and knocked down once in a while. You just find a creative way to release this anger.

Having a close personal friend is also a good way to release the frustration, anger and fear that comes with this Chronic Disease. Even though they may not fully understand, having someone to listen to you and not judge you is so important.

I have even punched pillows on the bed, ranted to myself vocally in the house when no one is here of course-the dogs look at me like I’m off my rocker but they don’t judge me.

But trying to manage anger is a constant battle and one cannot sit back on their laurels and think it will just go away on its own, because it won’t. And if one doesn’t acknowledge the anger they are fooling themselves and those around them because you cannot help but be angry at all this disease has taken away from us, from me. It’s robbed me of my life and I want it back, darn it!

Learn more about the MHAM Blog Challenge and 

Other MHAM events by visiting:

2013 Migraine & Headache Awareness Month Information Page

June, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is issued by FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.

#MHAMBC Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #26: Men in Black: Migraine Neuralizer: How do you cope with the way Migraine/Headache Disorder can impact our memories?


June Migraine awareness month

I am constantly struggling with memory issues. I even went so far as to as my Neurologist if I was going senile, or early Dementia or worse Alzheimer’s because I cannot remember from one minute to the next. And also having Fibromyalgia on top of Chronic Migraine Disease I get the double whammy of Brain Farts I call them.

It has made a huge impact on my life for the worse! I have turned on the kitchen faucet and walked away to come back to a sink overflowing because I forgot I had the sink filling-and in such a short amount of time. I’d put food on the grill and make something inside and forget about the grill completely until much later-crispy chicken jerky later, slightly charred. I’ve burnt stuff left and right, which is not the normal me.

Of course everyone gets to that stage where you “normally” forget things, but it’s been running more rampant and on a day to day hour to hour basis it seems. I’m always forgetting where I put my cell phone and spend several minutes looking for it. I do the same with my glasses, if I take them off it takes quite a while to find them again. I’ll set down my water glass as I’m always chugging down water and forget where I put it. I set alarms on my cell phone for when to take medications, and even have a chart on the cabinet door, but if I turn off my alarm and get slightly distracted I forget about my meds and end up taking them late and not on schedule. I get so angry with myself. My spouse and daughter get more aggravated with me and I’ve explained to them many, many times that on top of these Brain Farts that come with these diseases, it’s also a side effect from some of the medication.

I lost count of how many lectures I get about how I forgot to do this and that. I just sit or stand and wait for them to finish and then I have to remind them I have no control over it. I wish I did, but I don’t, and that is a depressing and stressful part of this condition. I have also forgot to pay bills. Not normal for me at all. And then I write checks from the WRONG bank, in which the account was closed-don’t ask me why those checks were still around but they were. That mess is fixed at least.

But I would give anything to get my memory back and make it better. If only there was a way short of finding a cure for this horrible disease. Then I can toss all these rotten pills and injections and would not have to see so many doctors and clinics. In my dreams for now.

Learn more about the MHAM Blog Challenge and 

Other MHAM events by visiting:

2013 Migraine & Headache Awareness Month Information Page

June, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is issued by FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.

#MHAMBC Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #25: Lincoln: Who’s your favorite historical figure who lived with Migraine/Headache Disorder?


June Migraine awareness month

I would have to say my favorite historical figure is Charles Dodgson, who went by the pen name: Lewis Carroll.   who wrote “Alice in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking Glass“. It is amazing all the historical figures in our past and present who suffer from Migraine Disease can be as influential and popular as they are and all they accomplished: http://www.migravent.com/blog/migraines/top-30-most-famous-migraine-sufferers/

He was very well educated and won many academic awards through his schooling. He was born to a Clergyman and raised in the rectory. He was the eldest of 11 children.  He had a stutter but would be able to communicate with children fluently, so he targeted that audience with his most famous book “Alice in Wonderland” and in doing so put some of his Migraine Aura‘s to use with the characters that he came up with during his era. He was born in 1832 in Daresbury, England. He died in 1898  Guildford, England; http://www.biography.com/people/lewis-carroll-9239598

Carroll did keep a diary and mentioned some of what he called hallucinations and often complained about the vision in his right eye. He did seek professional treatment for it and was told to not read as much and keep by a bright light to reduce eye strain. But there are striking similarities to what Migraine Sufferers do experience during the Aura stage that proceeds the pain: http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(05)74368-3/fulltext

Since I have always loved to read and love books I had to pick Lewis Carroll out of many famous Migraine Sufferers. He was a talented writer that took a disease and made it to his advantage and he still lives on in his books.

Learn more about the MHAM Blog Challenge and 

Other MHAM events by visiting:

2013 Migraine & Headache Awareness Month Information Page

June, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is issued by FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.

36 Million Migraine Campaign – Mayo Clinic & American Migraine Foundation


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6-27-13

Finally, today the Mayo Clinic and The American Migraine Foundation, with the support of Mrs. Cindy McCain, a long-time Chronic Migraine Sufferer, are launching the 36 Million Migraine Campaign. FINALLY a voice is being given to Chronic Migraine Sufferers and public awareness and education in the forefront as well as funding for more research. This made me so happy when I watched the Today Show and saw Mrs. McCain being interviewed for this campaign launch-if I knew how to do cartwheels I would be doing them right now!

Check out the links

 

http://youtu.be/23ZG0cc7TXg

http://www.americanmigrainefoundation.org/support-the-foundation/36-million-migraine-campaign/

Sending you all Blessings, Love and Support. Have a great day!! Julie